For the very best reference service possible, please attend to the following hints.
1. Do not begin your reference question by asking me if I am engaged.
2. Do not follow up my refusal to answer the question with a "why?"
3. Before calling in a reference question, please turn down your television volume. I cannot fully focus on your question when all I can hear is the organ playing the noon church service on channel 19.
4. Do not call me "honey," "sweetie," "red," or "darling" unless I am crying on your shoulder or we are family.
5. Do not ask me for assistance with the computer when you have no intention of typing or learning the procedure for yourself. While I will help you, I will not do your resume, your job application or your taxes for you.
6. Do not blame me personally when the waitlist for the computers is long. My powers do not extend so far as to supply extra computers or to speed up time.
7. The reference desk is circular and enclosed in order that I can help you from across the desk. For my nerves' sake, please don't sneak around the rope and tap me on the shoulder for help.
8. Your cell phone doesn't drive me crazy. It's only when you talk on it at my desk.